Trying to Do It All, When All I Want Is to Be Home

If I’m being honest… I cried in the parking lot last week.
I had just dropped my baby off with someone else, pulled into my part-time job, and sat there gripping the steering wheel—wishing I could turn around and just go home.

My Body’s at Work—But My Heart Isn’t

Not because I hate working.
Not because I don’t love my coworkers.
But because my heart is somewhere else right now—in a bassinet with tiny socks, soft lullabies, and gummy smiles.

I’m a new Mom.
Married to my high school sweetheart.
Figuring out who I am now that my whole world fits in a car seat.

And right now?
I’m not sure how to balance being everything to everyone—while trying to hang onto who I want to be…
Which, if I’m being totally honest, is a full-time, stay-at-home Mom.

This Season Is Supposed to Be Sweet… Right?

Everyone talks about the baby stage like it’s magic.
And in so many ways—it is.
The soft skin. The first giggle. The way they nuzzle into your chest like you’re their whole world.

But behind the Instagram reels and matching onesies, there’s the part no one tells you about:

The guilt.
The overwhelm.
The deep ache of wanting to be two places at once.

I want to contribute.
I want to help.
I want to do it all…

But mostly—I just want to be home with my baby.

I’m Not Lazy. I’m Longing.

It’s hard to admit that.
Because it feels like if I say I want to stay home, someone will assume I’m not ambitious.
But here’s what I’ve realized:

Wanting to be present doesn’t make you passive.
Wanting to be home doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you aware of what matters most to you right now.

And for me? That’s morning snuggles. First steps. Little sounds.
I don’t want to miss it.

If You’re a New Mom Too…

If you’re reading this with tired eyes and a baby monitor buzzing beside you…
If you’re trying to be everything while quietly falling apart…
If you’re going back to work, holding back tears, wondering if anyone sees how hard you’re trying—

I see you.

We don’t talk about this enough.
This in-between space where your identity is shifting, your dreams are rearranging, and your heart is stretched between career goals and crib sheets.

You’re not alone.

What I’m Learning in the Middle

I don’t have it all figured out.
I still cry some mornings.
I still stare at our bank account wondering how this will ever work.
But I’m holding onto hope.

Hope that one day, I’ll be able to be home full-time.
Hope that my baby will grow up knowing that even when I was torn, I chose him in every way I could.
Hope that I’m becoming a stronger Woman, even in the mess.

If this is your story too—I’m cheering you on.
Let’s stop pretending we’re fine and start talking about what this really feels like.

Because you’re not the only one who’s ever cried in the parking lot.
And you’re not the only one who dreams of being home—
and is doing everything you can to make that dream come true.

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